Home / Questions / What makes you hold on to a friendship — and what finally makes you let one go?

Sep 30, 2026

What makes you hold on to a friendship — and what finally makes you let one go?

Sapna says:

There’s so much that goes into this decision but, for me, it comes down to whether the friendship adds or takes away. When I hang out with them, does it remind me of all the reasons I didn’t want to hang out with them? And letting go – even if it happens naturally because you didn’t ‘feed’ it – can be hard depending on the history. You feel like you’re betraying all those years, like you put so much time into it only to let it go. But then I come back to whether it adds or takes away, grieve the loss and then spend that energy on my other friends.

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Terri Coleman says:

The long distance friends (elementary, high school and college) are ALL worth the extra effort. I am very blessed.
The local friend group, that evolved over the years, seems to have taken on a “collective” kind of feel. If you “wrong” one person you “wrong” them all. Not like in Jr high…but rather a sisterhood. With that level of friendship, comes the responsibility to work things out for the group’s sake. I feel less in control of that.

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1. Sapna says:
  
  The ‘sisterhood’ is an interesting dynamic because sometimes (many times?), you’re closer to some in the group than others. And what happens if you’ve grown apart from certain people in the group? Maybe the strength of the sisterhood overcomes that?
  
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Jessica Havens says:

Friends that make you feel like you matter are the ones to hold on to. I just finished Jennifer Wallace’s book Mattering and she beautifully explains how mattering is a core human need. And friends who value you and make you feel important and seen are everything. These are the people you sould keep in your orbit.

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Ashley Prymas says:

I saw this article in the NYT which I thought was interesting. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/30/opinion/friendship-frequency-interaction.html.

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Julie Vessel says:

I have also started looking at it as a dial vs. a friend/unfriend switch. There are friends I don’t want to lose touch with, but we meet a few times a year and it’s ok that that’s all it is. Other friends in the circle who I invest more time in. I think I’m more consciously “letting go” of perceived friends, like Facebook friends, where we’re connected but we never, ever see each other and probably never will. No bad blood, but also feels a bit inauthentic to me.

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